dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
