hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
