i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
