so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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