Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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