Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
