No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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