I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
