i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
