Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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