dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
