So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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