Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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