While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
