the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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