Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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