someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
