drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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