Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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