He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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