My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we're making bets on your personal life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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