I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
