Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
