Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
