I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
