why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
