Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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