I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize