I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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