You just made me feel so damn special
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pooping to opera.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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