a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
