Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
