it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
