She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
