He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
