I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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