her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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