i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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