Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
