im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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