yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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