she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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