ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
