you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize