So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
