I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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