sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
