a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
