Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
