OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
