you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my poor anus
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
