he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
