At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
