i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
