He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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