a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
