then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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