I've blown a few things in my day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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