she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
where are my pants?
in the oven.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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